John Ruskan on Forgiveness…

“Forgiveness means finally seeing that the other person was not really responsible for what we thought came from them…”

“True forgiveness means understanding that the original blame was wrong, not the granting of a pardon for what we mistakenly believe someone has done to us.”

(This quote is from John Ruskan’s book, “Emotional Clearing: Releasing Negative Feelings and Awakening Unconditional Happiness”)

​It sounds crazy at first but I agree! Here me out…

Ruskan is arguing that we’re radically responsible for owning and processing our feelings—we can’t blame anyone else for what we feel.

To put the principle into perspective, I’m thinking back to when I felt someone had betrayed my trust, and I felt hurt, loss, confusion and anger. What had happened didn’t seem fair. 

However, instead of allowing myself to process what I felt, I spent way too long analyzing the situation, trying to deal with my feelings by “blaming”—either myself or the other person.

The fact is (as Ruskan argues) it didn’t really matter what had happened, I had to own and process my feelings. This person hadn’t “made” me feel hurt, loss, confusion, or anger. What I felt was the natural response to losing a friendship in an unexpected way (plus the revelation of a lot of old suppressed feelings that it triggered). 

So, emotions are yours. Blaming yourself or someone else might be tempting, but unless you take ownership and process what you feel, it’s going to stay with you in some form.

My Master’s Degree Finally Means Something 😅

I spent my master’s dissertation trying to figure out why religious ritual was significant. I’ve been low-key wondering ever since I experienced the LDS endowment ceremony for the first time in 2018 because, logically, rituals don’t make any sense to me. 

Why does doing a certain action; a certain way, again and again and again make any difference to your connection with God? 

And I have a connection with God. Ever since I learned to let go of the shame that was keeping me from “facing” God, I’ve had a sustaining, love-filled connection that transcends anything physical. 

It wavers here and there depending on how much I let shame back into my life, but it’s also grown deeper every time I allow His light into some hidden part of me I previously would not allow myself to see. 

It’s everything I need.

So why rituals? 

I read about rituals, analyzed rituals, and intellectualized rituals with intensity while I wrote my Masters dissertation—with some level of success. I came away understanding that they were useful and important. But it also seemed there was some deeper mystery there that I couldn’t quite reach. 

So I left it, a bit work-weary of the subject anyway, and occasionally since then I’ve wondered what was the point of my dissertation?

Until just recently. 

I’ve recently been intrigued by another equally mysterious subject—the physical body. What’s the deal? Why’s it so important? And most of all, why the heck does LDS theology say it’s necessary to have a body to be like God? 

So I’ve been learning everything I can about the body, including how to be truly embodied… which has led me to a lot of eastern techniques like mindfulness, yoga, tantric philosophy… 

I’ve been learning to listen to my body, trust my body, and truly experience with my body… to the unexpected outcome that I may just now “get” religious rituals. 

This whole time I’ve tried to intellectualize something that can’t fully be intellectualized. Just like the body, it has to be experienced. 

It clicked for me when I decided to approach the regular Sunday ritual of the sacrament (communion) the way I’ve been learning to approach other bodily experiences—with mindfulness. 

Focus on the sensations. Be in the moment. Let thoughts and expectations go.

Accept 

Relax

Listen

See

Feel

Trust your body.

I experienced something different. 

I don’t fully understand it yet, and I can’t fully put it into words. 

Rituals don’t hold power as actions in themselves. Your body holds knowledge that doesn’t reach the brain, and can’t be put into words. Rituals unlock that power as you participate in them with your body. 

Not “going through the motion”. 

BE-ing there. In the motion. In your body. 

That’s when a mundane action becomes something more. And you experience something more. Sacred. Holy. Divine.

It’s more than connection with God. 

It’s becoming God.

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